Tired of the stupid "Which Side of the Fence" emails from right-wingers?

Ok, how many of you have gotten emails like this? I finally got fed up, and rewrote it, correcting all the mistakes. Read the right-wing version shown first here, then scroll down and read the other...

Which side of the fence?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
A Liberal will demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Well, I forwarded it.

Here's a much more accurate version!

Which side of the fence?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Liberal wants to keep guns out of the hands of criminals, terrorists and nutjobs, he works for reasonable laws that will require background checks.

If a Conservative wants to make sure he can buy a gun on a whim, he joins the NRA, which lobbies hard for no background checks. Who cares if terrorists & nuts can get guns easily, as long as Mr. Redneck can get his RIGHT AWAY??!!!

If a Liberal believes food should not be tainted with pesticides, and the runnoff from farms should not poison rivers, he works for reasonable laws to accomplish this.

If a Conservative wants to save a few pennies no matter what, he doesn't mind his environment getting poisoned.

If a Liberal is a homosexual, and wants the same rights as everyone else, he works for reasonable laws to insure that the Constitution's equal rights protections are reflected in the law.
If a Conservative is homosexual, he pretends he's not, works AGAINST legislation for equal rights to 'prove' how straight he is, then gets caught in bathroom stalls or other embarassing situations, revealing himself as a total hypocrite.

If a Liberal is down-and-out, he tries hard to find honest work and joins a unions that will help protect his rights from greedy corporations who want to pay everyone starvation wages, even as they continue to pull in record profits.

A Conservative drowns his sorrows in beer and wonders why life is so unfair.

If a Liberal doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels to listen to sane people who don't make things up and pass them as facts.

If a Conservative doesn't like a talk show host or news source, he complains about the 'liberal media' and the 'elites.'

If a Liberal is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Conservative thinks that the separation of Church & State, a founding principle of this nation, should be done away with. Then, we can be just like those Arab nations that are run by religious leaders that Conservatives love so much!

If a Liberal doesn't like the fact that in the US, we pay twice as much for health care and yet are 24th in actual delivery of health care, that greedy insurance companies stand between doctors and patients in actual 'death panels' and deny care, so that they can boost their insane profits margins even more, he works for reasonable laws to change this sad reality.
A Conservative is oblivious to the fact that people are kicked out onto the street from hospitals when they are in dire need of care, that the main cause of people going bankrupt in the US is lack of health care, that insurance companies are happy to collect premiums from you for decades, but as soon as you really get sick, they find a technicality to boot you off, and never pay a red cent for your health care. That is, they are oblivious to this UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO THEM. Then, desperate and threatened with bankruptcy, they finally realize they were on the wrong side of the issue all their lives, and they suddenly become liberals!

If a Liberal reads this, he'll forward it, because it's funny and true, and the other version that Conservatives pass around is so full of BS.
A Conservative will delete it because he's "offended."

Well, I forwarded it.