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Humor Times blog - by James Israel

I publish a monthly paper called the Humor Times, available via subscription anywhere in the world. This blog allows me to comment in a more timely manner on current events, etc., since, after all, I have plenty to say!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I guess Palin and Hannity showed them liberals!

By backing an independent conservative in a New York race (23rd Congressional District) over the Republican nominee who was too "liberal" for them, Sarah Palin and the rest of the rabid neo-con pack hoped to really sock it to Obama and show the country that conservatives were on the rebound. Oops! The strategy backfired! The Democrat was elected to the historically Republican-held seat!

Talk about a rift in the party -- the GOP is reeling! By letting the loony neo-con talking heads on Fox and talk radio take over their message, they are reaping a bitter harvest. Maybe it's time to head back to the center, eh, Repubs?

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Saturday, September 05, 2009

One small slip for fact-checkers, one giant leap for fake news

I love it when fake news gets taken for real news, especially since it usually has more grains of truth than the so-called 'real' news on networks like Fox, etc.

Here's an article about a recent 'fake news' piece causing a big stir internationally: One giant slip in Bangladesh news

... and the story by our friends at The Onion that started it all:
Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked.

Speaking of fake news, check out our stories on the Humor Times website and/or fake news blog sometime (as well as in our printed publication, of course!), like this one:

Palin's Latest Shocker: Hosting New Talk Show

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

Palin no working class mom

Palin does her best to sell her appeal as a working hockey mom to hard-working people everywhere. Only problem with that scenario: she and her husband are millionaires. The governor of Alaska gets paid $125,000 a year, and the couple's combined estimated property, investment values and income for 2007 are worth at least $1.2 million, according to the AP:
The Palins' assets seem enviable: a half-million-dollar home on a lake with a floatplane at the dock, two vacation retreats, commercial fishing rights worth an estimated $50,000 or more and an income last year of at least $230,000. That compares to a median income of $64,333 for Alaskans and $50,740 for Americans in 2007, according to the Census Bureau.
She also employs lawyers to find creative ways to avoid paying taxes. According to the New York Times:
One big issue that tax attorneys are pointing to is the fact that the Palins did not report as income the $43,490 that the state gave the family to cover travel expenses for Mr. Palin and the Palin children. Had the Palins reported these payments as income, the couple would have had to pay taxes on it.

And they even deducted snowmobiling expenses for ol' Todd, claiming it as a business:

The Palins deducted $9,000 in business losses from snowmobiling. This tax loss would not be allowed if the activity is a hobby. The IRS rule is that if an activity produces a profit in three of the past five years, is a businesses and not a hobby. But the Palins released tax returns for only two years, so it is impossible to tell. One year showed a $9,000 loss, the other year a slight profit.
There's a lot more good stuff in this article from Alternet: 12 New Stomach-Turning Revelations About Sarah Palin.

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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Railing on the Candidates

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Palin for Queen

Palin just finished with the debate tonight, and let me just say, I'm a convert, she really sold me tonight. I think she's ready to be queen.

And queens don't need no stinkin' debate rules. You want to ask her this, she'll answer with that -- what America really needs to know -- about her, about McCain, and about the Republican commitment to families all across this great land, and we just need to reform the economy and get it back on track, and she'll do that, because she reformed Alaska, and Alaska has lots of resources there, you know, and it supplies energy for America, and it's close to Russia, so she knows about foreign policy there too.

She's a maverick's maverick, and when she's queen, she won't be just part of the executive, because there's flexibility there, and her administration would work with Congress and she'll make the most of that flexibility, you know, that was written in the constitution there. And gosh darn it, like the current maverick vice-president Cheney, she would be part of the legislative branch as well, and being the ever-confident reformer, she would likely find a way to be part of the judicial branch too, because America needs that kind of leadership. Heck, maybe she could sit in on the Supreme Court on important issues like abortion and freedom of the press, and what goes into our libraries.

The far left says she didn't even pay attention to the questions. But Palin didn't need to -- she answers to America. Because that's what the Straight Talk Express is all about. What with everything she said about this and about that, and freedom, tolerance, family and freedom and all those things, and that folksy charm, I just can't tell you. Yes, I think America saw our future matriarch tonight, and with the brood we saw on stage afterwards, her progeny could rule us for a long, long time. Long live the Queen!

She absorbed a lot of foreign policy experience from Kissinger, too, like passion. Oh, that Passion! That's what she brings, with a smile, and confidence, and ya know, along with John McCain, she'll bring pride back to America and a commitment to reform government, and get the government out of the way of the middle class, and help them purchase their own health care, not the feds health care, because we've seen what a mess the government makes of things -- mostly the fault of Democrats, dontcha know.

As far as an energy policy, that's her area of expertise. Her state provides 50% of the energy for the USA. We have to do all we can do to make this great land energy independent. Some in Congress don't want to tap into our own energy supplies, to feed these hungry markets. They should just get outa the way. And it's about a heckuva lot more, it's about America and our energy future.

And as the governor of Alaska, she feels global warming more than any state, because snow is melting there. Sure, other states are being hit by hurricanes, floods, droughts and killer tornadoes, but Alaska is close to the Arctic, and Russia too -- did I say that?

You want to talk economy? OK, she knows about that too. As governor, she is an executive and they are all about action, ya know. You see, the rescue plan has to reform Wall Street, and John McCain knows how to reform too, and they will stand up to the greed there. There have been more and more revelations made aware to Main Street, so we need to put politics aside -- even the campaign -- and we have to be more vigilant, so that the credit doesn't freeze up, for the middle class and Main Street, which she's from, cuz her and her mavericky secessionist husband have always been Main Streety and middle class and stuff.

And let's get back to the energy plan. Palin took on the oil companies, because of the greed of their CEOs, and they are not her biggest fans. She broke up those monopolies there, and that's her area of expertise -- energy. But don't worry, oil companies, she loves ya with that tough Alaskan-style love. And she has the energy, and will as Queen, to deal with the energy crisis and things there like that.

So, don't talk to me about specifics. Sure, Joe Biden knew about some things. I mean, you'd have to, hanging around the Senate all those years sucking up the taxpayer's money (after all those years collecting a government salary, maybe he's responsible for the huge debt). But this hockey mom brings energy and inspiration. Just look at how she smiles at the camera. Check out that cute wink and Alaskan accent. And the voice! Oh my, did you hear that voice?

Enough of this slow torture of the last two years of Democrat control! Republicans can veto and filibuster only so much. Stuff needs to get done. Palin is for a strong America, and is against the taxes Democrats would love to weaken the economy with. She is determined to change the tone in Washington, and wants to clean up Wall Street. Her and McCain know how to do it, and they will -- just trust them. It's time for reform, and what says reform more than a Queen Palin coronation? Just don't expect her to follow the rules.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

If you were The Boss, which team would you hire?

I received this in an email recently, I thought it was pretty pertinent. What do you think?

If You were The Boss... Which team would you hire?

With America facing historic debt, multiple war fronts, stumbling health care, a weakened dollar, all-time high prison population, skyrocketing Federal spending, mortgage crisis, bank foreclosures, etc. etc., this is an unusually critical election year.

Let's look at the educational background of the candidates and see what they bring to the job:

Barack Obama:
Punahou School - Grades 5 to 12, Hawaii's most prestigious private school
Occidental College - Two years of undergraduate study.
Columbia University - B.A. political science majoring in international relations.
Harvard University - Juris Doctor (J.D.) (Attorney), (Magna Cum Laude), first African-American editor of the most prestigious law school publication, "Harvard Law Review."

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.) (Attorney)
U.S. Senate, first elected at age 29, continuous service since

VS.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 out of 899 (meaning that, like George Bush, McCain was at the bottom of his class)

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

Now, which team are you going to hire? THINK FUTURE!

As a side note, Matt Damon's opinion is pretty entertaining (short video).

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Friday, September 12, 2008

You asked for it, Sarah Palin, you got it

"Show me where I have ever said that there's absolute proof that nothing that man has ever conducted or engaged in has had any effect or no effect on climate change," Palin told ABC News in an interview broadcast Thursday and Friday. "I have not said that."

Show you? Since you can't remember anything you've said, and are always contradicting yourself (like on the 'bridge to nowhere' thing), I'm here to help:

"When a species' habitat (in this case, sea ice) is declining due to climate change, but there are no discrete human activities that can be regulated or modified to effect change, what do you do?" -- you wrote this (my emphasis) in a letter to Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne in December 2006 about listing the polar bear as a threatened species.

"A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location... I'm not one, though, who would attribute it to being man-made." -- Yup, that's you, Guv, on the Internet news site Newsmax just last month!

"I'm not an Al Gore, doom-and-gloom environmentalist blaming the changes in our climate on human activity." -- Yep, you again, Ms. Palin, in an interview with the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner this year.

There are many more lies you have already been caught on in the short time the press has begun to check you out, and I'm sure there will be many more. But since this was the only one you asked about, I'll stop there for now, out of deference. After all, you're an expert on the Russians, since your state is so close to a remote region of their country, so I'm sure you must be an expert on all foreign policy, and everything else!

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